Disney is fabulous. It’s magic. It’s everything you ever wanted and more. It’s not Disney that makes you hate Disney, its PEOPLE at Disney that make you hate Disney. No, no, its not the cast-members who offend the most. On the whole they’re great. Especially considering they’re college students being forced to wear the geekiest polyester uniforms in the planet in blazing heat and humidity. Its the people, the annoying, annoying, people which Wat Disney World and Disneyland seem to attract in spades, that make you so irritable.

Some of you are fellow Disney Addicts and so you can all nod your mickey-ear-clad heads and agree that these people (usually first-and-only timers) are the MOST ANNOYING PEOPLE AT DISNEY WORLD and Disneyland. For the rest of you first-timers, I hope you will take note and not become one of “those people”.

Illustration by josh pincus is crying http://blog.marshotelonline.com.

Today I will identify our Top 5 worst offenders.

1. The Map-Reader- Definition: One who stops in the middle of a busy Disney-park walkway in order to read a map.  I’ll be honest Map-Readers bother me the most. I think it’s because I know it can’t be helped and it is not even something water-boarding as a means of behavior correction would fix. Really, REALLLLLLY good-people of Disney World and Disneyland, is it THAT difficult to just walk up a little further and move to the side of a walkway so as to not block the entire walkway with your four children, jogging stroller, and ten-tons of Disney merchandise? Please, be encouraged, your map will make a lot more sense when you’re not getting jostled by hundreds of frustrated park-goers who are calling you nasty names under their breath. The world has not stopped just because you are lost. Please move to the side.

2. The Parade Piranha – Definition: One who does not come early enough to a parade or fireworks show to get a spot, but when the show begins somehow manages to cram in front of you and your children and block your view. I cringed just then. I mean, I actually, physically CRINGED thinking about the Parade Piranha and how I’d like to smack-em. There you are, you’ve DONE your research on parades and fireworks and you’ve sent someone ahead to save your spot one-hour prior to the event. You’re marking your theoretical territory with every thing you can get your hands on. Then suddenly the music begins, you stand up and find that it is not, in fact, your significant other breathing excitedly in your ear… its a stranger…and they’re muscling their way up in front of  you. You know full well this joker was NOT here for the HOUR prior to the parade because you had been shooting death-looks at anybody who tried to come near your “spot” while you waited. However, the fact that a child, maybe even your child, is excitedly waving to Cinderella not 10″ from your face keeps you from telling Mr. So-and-So exactly what you’d like to do with that giant balloon of his that keeps whomping you in the back of the head. Parade Piranha’s are either completely unaware of social norms, or, more likely, are choosing to ignore them in favor of doing whatever they want.

3. The Line Lamenter – Definition: The person who loudly complains while choosing to stand in an extremely long stand-by line. Fast Passes are free. They cost you absolutely NOTHING. Learn how to use them more effectively by doing a little research. You can read an article I wrote HERE, but there are tons on the Chip and Co site like THIS ONE  from Ken,  that offer tips. Understanding which rides have “long standby times” and understanding that you ride other, shorter-wait rides while waiting for your fast passes to “come up”, is the key. Either way Line Lamenters have CHOSEN to stand in an insanely long stand-by line and gripe to everyone around them about it. They even shoot mean looks to me while I breeze by them in the fast-pass line.  When you walk into a ride the stand-by wait time is clearly marked. Don’t complain that you’ve been there for 45 minutes when you could have just fast-passed it and come back and hour later. Learn how to use fast passes, and save yourself a lot of pain.  You’re killing my Disney buzz bro. If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all.

4. The Bus Butt-head – Definition: A person who refuses to move to the back of the bus when its full, who won’t get up and offer a lady or older person their seat, who runs to the back doors of the bus instead of standing in line and going in the front, or who puts their legs, strollers, and JUNK in the walkway, making it impossible to walk or stand on a resort bus. Let’s talk about social norms for a second. There are unwritten, yet iron clad, rules about how you are to behave when in large groups. Most even transcend culture. You know that you’re violating them, you just don’t care that people (you are never going to see again) are furious that you’re refusing to abide by them. Bus etiquette is clear. It works in large cities the world-over without anybody have to spell them out, so why is it when the bus driver says over the loud-speaker three times to “please move to the back of the bus”, people flat out REFUSE? Look, we’re all miserable here, shouldn’t we at least be EQUALLY miserable in a packed-out bus? I’m not particularly happy about you having your booty two inches from my daughters face, but I’m not going to say anything about it because it is the nature of the beast. You don’t really think that anybody is excited about smelling each other’s B.O. for a 20 minute ride? Abide by the unwritten rules and the Diva wont have to get snotty with you, k?

5. The Bag- Crammer and his wife, Ms. Fanny-packer – Definition: The individual/individuals who put everything they own into their park backpack and then take forever to get their bags checked at a park-entrance. One of my most popular Tips from the Disney Diva posts, Packing the Perfect WDW Backpack, can give you many tips on what to pack to save money in the park. You don’t need everything you’ve ever touched, you really don’t!  While it is nice to smile politely to the bag checker, it’s not the time to have a long conversation with them. Unzip your bags before you get up to the line PLEASE and yes, you DO have to take off your fanny-pack to get it checked. If its a bag, of any kind, whether it has a Disney hat you just bought, or a camera in it, YOU MUST CHECK IT THROUGH THE BAG-CHECK LINE. Make every effort to be conscientious of the people around you and have some sort of system in place to get your bag checked. Don’t pack it so full that the checker has to take everything out of it, check it, and then put it all back in while we all stand around and mutter.

This is not to say there are not other super annoying people at Walt Disney World or Disneyland for example the “Loud for the sake of being Louders”,  or the “Touchy Touchers” who freak out every time anyone (including your child) accidentally bumps into them, or the Pscyho-Perkies (they’re scary huh?!?!). These just happen to be the MOST ANNOYING of those visitors. Now that they’ve been identified I hope you will do all within your power to NOT become one of them.

Because you never know when the Diva will be watching…

Kristin, Tips from the Disney Diva

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• Top 5 tips for interacting with a Disney Addict (chipandco.com)
• Top 5 Disney World Things We Want Everywhere! (chipandco.com)